Connecting after Baby
Bringing Back the Spark After Baby: Reconnecting with Your Partner
At Carnelia Mental Health we love to support the whole family system from Birth and Beyond. A time of life that we are particularly passionate about is the perinatal period. A pivotal period full of growth, change, excitement, loss. We like to say having a baby is a wild ride – it's full of love and joy. The reality is that welcoming a baby can also put a strain on your relationship. In those early days, it's totally normal to feel swamped, sleep-deprived, and kinda distant from each other. You may even notice conflict in ways that were there before baby or totally new. Middle of the night wake ups and sleep deprivation are a prime catalyst for conflict. But don't worry, while we expect there will be challenges in this period, we know how to manage it successfully and we have seen partnerships grow and change during this time in such a loving way. Let us share a few things we recommend.
1. Talk it Out
The most important thing you can do to reconnect with your partner after having a baby is to be open and honest about how you're feeling. Chat about the tough stuff, your hopes for the future, and what you both need as individuals and as a couple. Don't be afraid to be real about your emotions, even if it's a bit awkward or uncomfortable. Don’t be a martyr and keep it all in to push through. Trust us, you won’t and it will take its toll. Find time, not the middle of the night, to check in with each other. This will rebuild connection and maintain communication instead of growing more distant.
2. Date Night (Even if it's Short and Sweet)
When you're taking care of a newborn, it's easy to forget about your relationship. Make a point to set aside some time for each other regularly, even if it's just for a few minutes. Take a walk, grab dinner together, or just cuddle up on the couch and chat. We are serious about this one. Baby is so important but you and your relationship is also important. It is like putting on your oxygen mask before assisting others. You will be a better parent if you are giving time and energy to yourself and your relationship.
3. Maintain Touch (It’s okay to not have sex right now).
Physical touch is super important in any relationship, and it's especially key after having a baby. Touching releases oxytocin, the "love hormone" that helps you bond. Hold hands, hug, and kiss each other often. Disclaimer, touch is so much more than sex. After birth and caring for a newborn sex may just feel off the table for a bit. That is okay! Intimacy can be maintained through non-sexual touch.
4. Show Some Love
It's easy to take each other for granted when you're both tired and stressed. Make an effort to show your appreciation for each other every day. Thank your partner for everything they do, and let them know how much you love and value them. This will help reduce any growing resentment. Feeling resentment build? Address it right away and talk about it.
5. Don't Be Afraid to Ask for Help
If you're having trouble reconnecting with your partner after having a baby, don't hesitate to reach out to a therapist. They can help you figure out what's going on and come up with ways to work through it. Currently, Carnelia Mental Health has a therapist specifically trained in John Gottman’s Bringing Home Baby Curriculum focused on how to maintain and grow the relationship after baby. This curriculum is well researched and developed with proven results. Reach out to learn more!
